SEXUAL FRUSTRATIONS

The heart is the center of man's inner or immaterial nature. It is the mind of the soul. It is also the control center for all emotions, appetites, affections, will and imaginations. The heart is the center of the breath of life. This is the place where affections are interpreted, emotions are released, appetites are accepted, will is birthed, imaginations are formed and personality is established. Affections are the natural cravings of the flesh to give and receive love, kindness, touch, and consideration. These affections are the spiritual nerves of the body. These spiritual nerves are sensations that are produced by stimuli to the flesh. These stimuli may be verbal, physical, or imaginative. Thus allowing it to originate from within or without the body. Note that the word sense is the root of the word sensations. Therefore, these sensations are primarily activated by whatever the five senses are exposed to in the environment.

The Imagination Can Stimulate the Flesh

The imagination is a reservoir for unfulfilled desires, fantasies, and blighted hopes that have been revived by the re-creation of scenarios that guarantee blissful satisfaction. Therefore, it is also capable of stimulating the flesh. To do so, however, requires a momentary shutting out of reality. The mind must be able to focus on the contents of the imagination in order for it to lead the body into the ecstasy that the imagination is capable of rendering.

Nevertheless, the physical satisfaction of the flesh by the working of the imagination alone is very taxing on the emotions. Regardless of the physical relief, it cannot replace the yearning for a loving companion to fulfil these most human, God-given desires. Oh please, Miss Religious and Mr. Self-righteous, don't get deep on me! I know that there is nothing the Lord can't do in us, if we submit to His will. But for too long the church has failed to address the sexual and deep intimate frustrations of the married, as well as those that desire to be married.

The truth is, there are married couples that have never known the happiness that can be experienced in true loving affection and sexual fulfilment. Likewise, there are single men and women sitting in the church who are not able to control the cravings of the flesh for affectionate touch. We all know the body must be brought under the submission of the Word of God. But knowing it and doing it are two different things. Yes, in some cases it is easier said than done, especially in circles where the clergy refuses to discuss the issues and simply dismisses it as lust. Even if lust is developed from such needs, is it not the responsibility of the Church to educate the saints about how to deal with these frustrations? Do we simply look the other way and continue to be embarrassed by even speaking of such things? As long as this is the posture of the Church, more and more saints will show up in divorce court, and perversions will spread throughout the body of Christ like a common cold.

Meanness

Many married men and women are experiencing the effects of the "meanness" of their companions because of sexual unfulfillment. The root of your "meanness" could be sexual frustration. This is a real problem in the lives of the saints of God. The Church has refused to address this issue head-on, but it can no longer look the other way while marriages are falling apart and spouses hate the thought of each other. You may be suffering from the lack of affection and sexual fulfilment from your spouse. If this is the case, then you must learn to deal with this situation God's way. First of all, you must believe that the Word of God has an answer that will deliver you from this bondage.

Sexual Satisfaction - The Will of God

Secondly, you must realize it is the will of God for you to be satisfied sexually in your marriage. The Lord wants us to be happy. He knows sexual frustration is the one thing that will make you most miserable in your attempt to serve and obey your husband, or to love and cherish your wife. These frustrations can cause your heart to harden against your spouse and eventually destroy your marriage. You see, when the affections of the flesh are stimulated, they produce emotions in the heart. When the body is satisfied by the sexual act itself, it will cause the soul to be at ease and soothed.

However, when the flesh is left unfulfilled, it can cause the soul to be traumatized. The trauma causes the emotions to be disrupted. Therefore, the heart is not supplied with the necessary ingredients for producing a favorable emotion. Though love is there and kindness is real, the flesh is not brought to a point of fulfilment. There is either no orgasm taking place, or physical affection is void. Your husband may be totally selfish or unlearned as it relates to your satisfaction. Your wife may be frigid and cold, without affection and doing nothing to stimulate your desire for her. This can be frustrating. But that's not the end of it. The added torment is that the saints of God know the laws of God forbid them to go out and commit adultery and divorce is the controversy of the denominations. Therefore, they feel trapped in their situations. They feel the matter is hopeless, and the situation will never get any better. This seems to be such a damnable prospect. Therefore, the heart is hardened in order to protect itself from further disappointment.

Imagination

When this happens, you will turn to the only place you can find relief; your own imagination. This is dangerous because the imagination is capable of creating scenarios and sexual encounters that you will eventually seek to be fulfilled in the flesh by either masturbation or fornication. Remember, a man can become just as sexually frustrated as a woman. There is a difference between sexual relief and sexual fulfilment.

In other words, because a man may be able to reach a point of climax does not mean he is fulfilled in the act itself. If his wife is cold or unresponsive and without affection, he is denied the emotional pleasure of the act. Her body simply becomes a convenient place for him to relieve himself and nothing more. This is sad. Nevertheless, it is true, especially for those in the church. Some Christian women feel they are not supposed to love their husbands in the way of affection and little niceties which tend to keep the romance in the marriage. They never touch him except in bed and then only on certain nights. They never anticipate his moods, nor do they cater to them. They never even think in terms of setting the stage for a romantic evening or a secluded weekend. They merely do their duties: clean the house, cook the food and be an occasional receptacle for his sexual relief. How boring and unfeeling! Is there any wonder why a man can't be fulfilled in a situation like this?

Sexual Frustrations in Singles

Saints, let us not be so naive as to think the young (and old for that matter) in the church are not suffering from sexual frustration. This frustration comes from an inability to exercise the emotions and desires of the flesh. Looking on the surface, some would say this is the devil or just lust. As I said earlier, it may be lust. However, lust is formed when the individual does not bring the natural desires of the flesh under the submission of the Word of God. The Church must teach the body of Christ how to conquer these natural desires. Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun. Ecclesiastes 9:9

Some single men and women have been counselled to ask God to remove the desire. But beloved, these are natural desires the Lord gave to the man and woman so they are able to enjoy each other. However, if you are not married, it is indeed unlawful for you to fulfill these desires outside of wedlock. Don't you think the Lord was aware of this when He admonished us against fornication? The Lord knew the flesh would endeavor to be satisfied and fulfilled because He placed the desires there to be fulfilled inside marriage. If your desires are not given unto God, your imagination is waiting to be filled with perversions that can be acted out in fornication or masturbation. This is the next stop for the flesh, if it is not dealt with properly. You will end up masturbating or in some illicit sexual relationship. Paul also warned us about strange flesh. If you are not careful to remove this weakness through the power of the Word, you could even end up in lesbianism or homosexuality. This is the goal of the devil anyway. He wants to pervert the flesh. But faith is faithful & God is faithful to keep that which is committed unto Him.

Romans 1:18-32

18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness;

19 Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them.

20 For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:

21 Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.

22 Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools,

23 And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things.

24 Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:

25 Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.

26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:

27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.

28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;

29 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,

30 Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,

31 Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:

32 Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

God has made a way of escape for the flesh. He provided the Word and His Spirit. Most of you reading this do not believe the Word and the Spirit are sufficient to deliver you from these frustrations, and this is why you are not delivered. The Word of God is powerful and its power is that of influence. It is capable of influencing the fleshy mind in such a way that it will desire nothing except the service of the Lord. It can influence the imagination in such a way as to remove all impurities. THE SPIRIT OF THE LORD IS SO POWERFUL IT WILL INFLUENCE THE FLESH TO DESIRE ONLY HOLINESS. It will reconstruct the sensations of the flesh by causing the mortal body itself to be quickened alive unto Christ.

Living in the Spirit surpasses the Construction of the Human Body

The Word and the Spirit of God are capable of fulfilling your every need, and desire as well as fill all the voids in your life. I keep saying this, and at the same time, I know you don't believe me. But the truth is you can reach a place in God where the satisfaction of the flesh is less than an afterthought. There is a place in God where the flesh seems not to exist, as it relates to sexual satisfaction. This does not mean the Lord removed the natural desire of the natural creature. But it does mean the vanity of the flesh has been brought under the influence of the Word and Spirit of God. When this is the case, the desires are not suppressed, they are simply under control. Walking in the Spirit surpasses the desires of the flesh. The hunger is for God and godliness.

Galatians 5:16

This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.

Galatians 5:24

And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.

In marriage, God's love will allow the Holy Spirit to absorb all of the pain you've suffered and you will be able to see the pain that your disposition has inflicted on your mate. Maybe your focus is only on yourself and what you are suffering. Have you stopped to consider that your mate may not know how to satisfy you either physically or emotionally? Maybe he or she needs to be ministered to in those areas. But, if you allow yourself to become cold and indifferent, because of your lack of fulfilment, then you will never know the power of the Word and Spirit of God. The Lord wants you to be happy. He will help you in your endeavor to bring some romance into your marriage. Sexual frustration can become a captivity. However, you can be delivered from this physical and emotional trauma. You can trust in the power of the Holy Spirit and the Word of God in your life. You don't understand all the ramifications of that statement yet, but I promise you the understanding will come if you study the series of courses from The Faith Library entitled “The Thought War”. But for now, just try to identify your frustration. This in itself is ninety-nine percent of your deliverance.

Pride Can Cause Sexual Frustration

Your pride will cause you to reject expressing the emotions you feel for your mate. Regardless of how angry or how disappointed you are, you need to push pass the negative feelings and let the love you have flow. I can envision a married couple having a disagreement before they leave home, and in the family car, each one is hugging the door. Both are too full of pride to make the first move towards affection. Therefore, they just sit and stare at the world outside the car. This is sad, because one may want to reach out and touch the other, but the spirit of pride won't allow it. Therefore, for a season there is no expression of love, kindness or affection. Then, every interaction becomes duty or obligation. This state of being could last for hours or days. Because of the spirit of pride, no one will say, "I'm sorry.” Even the guiltless one (as it relates to the matter of disagreement) does not have enough compassion for the marital relationship to break the ice and try to talk sensibly about the issue without provoking another argument. So, what is the alternative? There is only one left. Give place to the devil. During this time of civil unrest, the enemy is able to communicate with both parties. He will carefully put you and your mate in remembrance of all the negative reasons why this union is not going to work. But in the case of Christians, this trend of thought also creates a feeling of being trapped inside the spiritual legal system.

Feelings of Hopelessness

At this point, there are no kind words being spoken which might counteract this feeling of hopelessness. Pride won't allow any communication. Therefore, this situation must go on until the anger fizzles out and some of the coldness is gone. No one says, "Honey, I'm sorry,” or "Baby, let's work this out,” or anything that might resemble a softening on someone's part. Instead, once in bed, one may roll over on the other's side, and this is the signal that says, "I want to forget whatever is wrong and have sex.” Sexual intercourse is supposed to be the mechanism for healing all wounds, solving all problems and righting all wrongs. It is supposed to remove all frustrations and make the subjects of one mind and one heart. THIS IS SUCH A DECEPTION! The intercourse itself may ease some of the tension in the air, but by no means is it a cure for all the ills of the union. Though some of the tension may be eased and you and your mate may be able to continue together in a pseudo-happy state, both of you have only suppressed your feelings. Sooner or later these suppressed feelings are going to surface again.

Usually, they are manifested in the sexual attitude. The act will not survive the feelings of non-consideration, belittling, hopelessness, and helplessness. The bearer of these feelings will soon view the sexual act with resentment or a sense of duty. If issues are unresolved, withholding sexual intercourse becomes an act of retribution. Beloved, when there is no affection in the everyday living experience, it soon becomes hard to believe true love and affection will be expressed inside intercourse. Love is caring and sharing. The sexual act is a time of expressing that care. Affection administered at this time is supposed to bring pleasure to one another. If there have been habitual periods of meanness and unconcern or resentment, it will become very hard to be affectionate in the sex act. Instead, you will seek to satisfy yourself or simply provide a vehicle for your mate to satisfy himself. Love begins to wax cold and affection is non-existent. PRIDE HAS ROBBED BOTH OF YOU.

Communication

You could have overcome this disposition by simply communicating. If there is no communication in a relationship, soon there will be no affection. When this happens, for whatever reason, the sexual act becomes merely animalistic, with no regard for pleasing or satisfying the other party. It is merely a mechanism of relief. Find a way to communicate your feelings without starting World War III. If you have the Spirit of God, you can do it. Hear the wisdom of the Holy Ghost.

Erroneous Sexual Attitudes Can Cause Frustration

Sexual intercourse is supposed to be a time for expressing love. The phrase "making love" or "love-making" is only a figure of speech. However, it is a very vivid description of what happens in the bedroom of many Christian marriages. The partners try to make the intercourse love. Many times the marriage is void of natural affections, and then suddenly they are going to "make" love come into their union by having intercourse. BELOVED, LOVE IS MADE OUTSIDE THE BED. THE INTERCOURSE IS MERELY ONE ACT OF EXPRESSION OF THAT LOVE. However, in the expression of love, there must be consideration for your mate.

Many spouses are experiencing sexual frustrations because their mates only enjoy a certain type of sex. For instance, some men only want their wives to perform oral sex on them. They may not be particular about reaching a climax any other way. Well, this is totally inconsiderate of your mate. This kind of attitude does not have any regard for the desire of the other party. It is inconsiderate and self-serving. THIS IS NOT AN EXPRESSION OF LOVE. This is sex. Some will not take their time to caress, to pet and to explore what is supposed to be their world of pleasure. This exploration, along with words that really express your feelings for your mate, can create a new mindset in your spouse. It can gender feelings of security, good self-esteem, and an overall good feeling about the relationship. Remember, if you have a mate who is affectionate, usually he or she will express his love the way they want you to express yours. If you don't respond by reciprocating, he can become very frustrated and eventually withdraw the affection, leaving nothing more than intercourse.

Perversion Can Cause Sexual Frustration

Read the following verses carefully, for they explain the distance sex can take you from the Father's purpose for marital relationships. 26 . . . for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: 27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman . . . Romans 1:26-27.

A perverted mindset will cause you to leave the natural use of the woman to do that which is unseemly. Such things as anal sex, debauchery(excessive indulgence in sensual pleasures), group sex and other lascivious acts can cause your mate to be sexually frustrated. The man was made for the woman and the woman for the man. Unless we practice staying within the guidelines of Faith (that which is lawful), that which was once love will become nothing more than sinful perversions. If you really love your spouse, then you should be concerned about those things that please or irritate them. Whatever the problem, you should be willing to take the time to look into the heart of the matter and not rest until the two of you reach a solution.

Sicknesses and Diseases

Sicknesses and diseases can cause sexual frustration. This is a very sad reality. There are many men and women who suffer from diseases, such as sugar diabetes, that might tend to make them sexually inadequate. I dare not imply that this is an easy situation to deal with in the home. However, it too must be regarded. Many women are suffering with husbands who, because of sickness or some other reason, are impotent. They can't produce an erection that will bring satisfaction to the woman. What does one do in such cases? Some women begin to masturbate but are still frustrated from not having a man to fulfil their desires. Some become mean and resentful because of their frustration. Though modern science is trying desperately to rectify this problem (Viagra), you must look to the only one who is guaranteed to solve it, God the Father. He is the only one who can give us power over the frustrations of the flesh. He can supply you with the strength to endure this disappointment in perfect peace. You can overcome the flesh by living in the Spirit. I did it. I know it works. God can be your husband. He can fill every void and bring a Spirit of peace and calm in the midst of a sexual storm. Look to the Lord with all your heart.

Remember, your love for your mate is also being tested. You need endurance in order to last in righteousness and peace until the Lord brings about a change in your life. Yes, you can do it! Be encouraged. Take this opportunity to get closer to God. I could continue to list many things that cause sexual frustration, but the cure would be the same for them all. Jesus is the answer. He is the only relief. The key is to overcome the flesh with the comprehension of His love. Love your mate the way you want to be loved. Be kind, considerate, and lovingly affectionate. I guarantee you will see the dawn of a new day in your marriage.