Marriage With Purpose

Genesis 2:18-24

18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

19 And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.

20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.

21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;

22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Marriage is an institution designed for the cohabitation and procreation of the fleshy race called man. Installed by God, it is the oldest institution in the world today. It is the only place where sexual intercourse is scripturally lawful. It is also most important to note that man's mate was taken from within him. The woman is a part of the man. She is the flesh of his flesh and the bone of his bone. Therefore, it is only natural for the woman to crave for that which she came out of.

1 Corinthians 11:8-9

8 For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man.

9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.

1 Corinthians 11:11

11 Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.

In the natural, her being is of the man. We really need to look into this original creation to see the intent of the Lord. We know marriage was a perfect design for procreation, but I do not believe for one moment that the Lord did not intend for the man and the woman to enjoy each other's bodies. A scripture comes to mind that I think will substantiate this fact.

1 Corinthians 7:1-9

1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.

2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence; and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

6 But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.

7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.

8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.

9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

Notice Paul firmly states in order to avoid fornication, let the saints marry. He further stresses the power of the woman's body lies with the man. Likewise, the power of the man's body lies with the woman. What does this really mean? Well, the apostle seems to feel the ability to satisfy the natural cravings of the fleshy body rest in the hands of the opposite sex. This is why masturbation is not natural. The woman was created for the man. The Word did not simply say she was created to have children. It implies she was created for the satisfaction of the man. Having been taken out of the man, her natural desires would be the same as the man. For she is of his nature.

Therefore, the man ought to be aware that affectionate touches and gentle caresses which stimulate his flesh, also have the same effect on the woman. Just as a kind and soft-spoken word soothes his soul, it has the same effect on the woman. Likewise, the woman should be mindful of the same thing. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24.

The holy matrimonial state of marriage insists that the two are no longer twain, but one flesh. That's right, "one flesh.” That which was taken out of man returns to unite with him. This union is supposed to fill every void in each of the mates. Once stimulated, the bone and flesh which were taken from the man, produce emotions in the woman which are the counterparts to the emotions produced in the man. In other words, the coming together should complete each other, both physically and emotionally.

Once again, Adam said of Eve, "You are the bone of my bone and the flesh of my flesh.” Because emotions are produced by the disposition of the flesh, Paul could say to the church at Galatia, "Love your wives as you love yourselves.” Why? This is because she is of the man. She is a part of the man. She is of his flesh. Therefore, the emotions produced in her through love, kindness, and sexual coming together, should rebound back to him; making the two one. If the woman is not moved to a place of loving emotions for her mate, then he will suffer a tremendous void in his life. He will feel denied and unfulfilled. The emotions which were taken out of him, along with the flesh and bone, were not returned to complete him emotionally. Even if the act of sex is able to relieve him, if the love and affection are not there, the void still exists. Frustration may become overwhelming. The same is true if the wife is denied. THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE WAS MEANT TO BE A RETURNING OF THAT WHICH WAS TAKEN OUT OF ADAM. It was the return of the weaker or emotional side of man. Notice I said the "institution of marriage" not just the "sexual act" itself. The whole marriage should be a returning of the separated rib, with its emotions and desires given over to its counterpart.

Ecclesiastes 9:9

Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun.

Oh, how beautiful this is in the Lord! He allows man to enjoy his creation- the woman. This was one of the original intentions of the Father. Although Paul says it is good for man or woman to abide as he, having no need for the companionship of a spouse (because of the grace in the New Covenant), he recognizes the Lord never forbids man to marry and fulfil this pleasure in his life.

Therefore, it is clear that marriage is an institution for the satisfaction of the flesh:

1. It is for procreation.

2. It is for providing man with a natural help-mate.

3. It is for fulfilling the emotional and physical desires of the mates.

I want us to deal with the frustrations the Body of Christ encounters in its marital relationships at this point. Some of you may feel this is just a lesson for married people. However, I remind you that you too may be getting married one day. Regardless, you still need to know how to minister to those who are experiencing these frustrations in their marriages. The Lord encourages us to be kind, affectionate and compassionate. "I Love You"Be kindly affectioned one to another . . .Romans 12:10

Let us go directly to the heart of the matter. Though in many instances in the church we use the terminology, "I love you,” it is still the foundation of most marriages. Love has been defined differently in many different relationships. However, the bottom line is most of the individuals who are married today, really believe they loved each other in the beginning of their relationship. It is the basic desire of every human being to be loved. With that love, there should come kindness, consideration and affectionate touch. These are all expressions of the love we have for one another. If you are unable to express either of these, then there is definitely a problem and a lacking in your relationship with your spouse. It is time to ask yourself, “Why?” Why is it I can't bring myself to be affectionate to my mate? For the answers to this and other life-changing questions, let’s take a closer look at the hindrances to expressing your love for one another. Paul gives us a wonderful definition and operation of the spirit of love in the following passage of scripture:

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up.

5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

8 Charity never faileth.

Assuming I am talking to the saints of the Most High, our indwelling Spirit of God should enable us to love in this way. We have the ability to overcome the hindrances in the flesh and love through the Spirit. Wouldn't it be wonderful if you and your spouse could really love each other the way the scripture defines love? Notice that there are no restraints in the above description of the act of loving. There are no walls of impasse, no shame, and no pride. It is totally vulnerable. You too can love like this. If your spouse seems incapable of loving in this manner, you can provoke him or her to move into this kind of love by learning to love them in the way you want to be loved. Remember, love never fails. Let us look at the attributes of this love. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned. Song of Solomon 8:7.

Love is Longsuffering

LONGSUFFERING IS THE ULTIMATE TEST OF LOVE. Longsuffering is the ability to wait patiently for the Word of God and the Holy Spirit to influence the mindsets of another to the point of change. This is where consideration enters the picture. For in order to love, you must be considerate of another's emotions, failures, successes, disappointments and most of all, mindsets which have been developed over the years. Your own pride will cause you to be inconsiderate and insensitive to the needs of your spouse.

You must remember the person you are married to was influenced by the environment and circumstances of his or her life before they met you. Positive and negative impressions have been made which directly affect the way they will deal with you in the marital relationship. Therefore, it is necessary for you to be considerate of the disposition of their mind, as you entertain what they believe to be the only way to express love. If you know your loved one is not allowing himself/herself to be vulnerable and free in the relationship, then you need to consider the reasons why, instead of withdrawing your affection and understanding.

Your spouse may not have experienced affection from parents or in other relationships. Therefore, he or she does not know how to give or receive that kind of affection. A person is a product of what they have been exposed to (their experiences and effects from experiences). I really believe a lack of consideration is the major contributor to the building of a wall of impasse which stops the flow of love in a relationship. In many relationships, a spouse may not be considerate of the true feelings, or the mental or spiritual disposition of the other. In other words, you must be considerate of how your spouse feels about a situation, an action or even your mindset.

For instance, you may have a habit of doing something that really offends your spouse. However, because that behavior would not offend you if you were on the receiving end, it doesn't mean your mate shouldn't be offended. You must remember each of you have been mentally shaped into what you think and feel about life. Each of your backgrounds formulated desires and wants you expected to be met or considered in your marriage. Therefore, it is impossible to think you could do those things which oppose that developed mindset and he or she not be offended. Though the matter may seem trivial to you, don't take for granted that it is meaningless to your mate. It may indeed be the thing which stops the flow of love between the two of you. Feelings run deep. Inside every offense, the offended one feels that the other’s motivation was a lack of consideration for their feelings. This may be true; especially if you think your spouse should feel the same way you do about a matter.

However, you must learn to deal with him or her where they are and not where you have placed them in your mind. Stop to consider how what you do, say, neglect to do, or neglect to say affects your mate. Your spouse wants to be considered. Don't treat their feelings as petty. They may be monumental to them. Therefore, you must find a way for love to deliver your mate. But there will be no deliverance on either part if consideration is not the foremost concern.

Be willing to suffer the loss of your opinion about a matter. Whatever affects your spouse, affects you. If the mindset is offended, then the body will respond to the offense. The affection will diminish and coldness will take its place. Your mate will cease to feel the urge to be loving, kind or intimate because they feel you are inconsiderate of their feelings. Sooner or later the lovemaking is not enough to remove the offense. It is an erroneous mindset to think that sex conquers all. After the lovemaking is finished, you still have to live with one another. Over a period of time, this fact begins to stick out as the offense is continuously inflicted.

Frustration

You can overcome all of the frustrations of your sex life. You must remember frustration is an erroneous interpretation of the situation at hand. When you give up, you are in error. You have allowed yourself to take on a mindset of helplessness. This is not true. You are not without a solution to the problem. You can comprehend Christ's love for you. Take time to really discern the situation. Take it to the Lord for a Spirit of Wisdom and Might. You can become patient and deal with the matter, without fainting or giving up. You are the victor. You are a son of God. You can win over the frustrations in this area of your life. Love your spouse enough to try. Give your marriage a chance. Do yourself a favor by trusting the Word of God and doing everything that you are supposed to do to fulfil righteousness in the relationship so that God can move on your behalf (vindicate righteousness).