Jealousy

Jealousy is the one mindset that has done the most to hinder the peaceful progression of the human race, as well as the spiritual movement of the Body of Christ. It is being skillfully used to stop the flow of love and to destroy the unity of the Faith. The Bible declares there is no power that is not of God. He ordains all power, good or evil. This includes thrones, kingdoms, principalities, dominions, governments and civil authorities, as well as socio-economic position.

Romans 13:1-2

1 Let every person be loyally subject to the governing (civil) authorities. For there is no authority except from God [by His permission, His sanction], and those that exist do so by God’s appointment.

2 Therefore he who resists and sets himself up against the authorities resists what God has appointed and arranged [in divine order]. And those who resist will bring down judgment upon themselves [receiving the penalty due them].

Since it is God who gives authority, power and position, it is profitable for us to submit to those instituted authorities. This would be not only for fear of the wrath of God, but also for conscience sake. What does this have to do with jealousy? Everything! Jealousy is resentment or suspicion of anyone who is believed to have an advantage you do not have.

I have encountered those who were jealous, resentful and extremely bitter against those who have or appeared to have advantages they did not possess. This does not even have to be real; you might just think they enjoy an advantage that you do not have. A universal operation in every case of jealousy is that it seizes any opportunity to blatantly or subtly discredit or destroy the reputation of another. Any opportunity you have to make the one you are jealous of look bad, you will take it. The purpose is to draw attention to you. We can see this operation in families, corporations, organizations and yes, even the church.

The motivation for jealousy could be fear of rejection or most of all, the fear of losing your uniqueness inside of your territorial sphere of influence. This disposition can be caused by ignorance or spiritual immaturity. You may suffer feelings of rejection from those you love or admire, or feel you have to perform perfectly in order to be accepted by people.

On the other hand, you may also feel you are only accepted because of your ability or the things you can accomplish. Whether true or false, in your mind people never really love you for who you are. You see their relationship with you as fake, while there are others in your environment that the same people tend to love and respect, even though they may not be of good character or have the abilities you do.

JEALOUSY IS ALSO HATRED OF GOD

If someone is enjoying an advantage you do not have, God gave it to that individual. You must see that God allows them to have that position in your life. If you are jealous, it is because you hate what God is doing in someone else’s life. Someone on your job may receive a promotion you feel you deserve.

You become jealous and frustrated because you have not discerned or accepted that God is exalting that individual. Once again, you have not agreed with God. He allowed this situation to reveal the true disposition of your heart. Consider the following scripture:

James 1:17

17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.

If you are jealous of someone’s abilities, then remember every good gift comes from God. If you are jealous of someone else’s accomplishments, remember it is the Lord who exalts. If you are jealous of the good that is accomplished in someone’s life, then you are resentful of God the Father, for it is He who causes the just and unjust to prosper.

Earlier, I stated that the motivation for jealousy is the fear of rejection and of losing one’s uniqueness inside of a territorial sphere of influence. I want to explain this further by using the conflict between Saul and David. In the Old Testament, the Lord rejected Saul as king over Israel because of his disobedience. As part of his chastening, the Lord informed Saul that He would raise up a man who would be better than he. Since David was the one God chosen, Saul began to hate David.

In looking closer at the spirit of jealousy in this scenario, we see that Saul was brought face to face with his sin against God long before David’s anointing for kingship became an issue. Saul knew he had dishonored God and that the Lord’s rejection of him as king served as punishment. Since those were the facts, it is obvious Saul knew that David had nothing to do with the Lord’s decision (1 Samuel 15:24-26).

Why then did Saul develop such venomous hatred for David? To the naked eye, it would appear that Saul hated David because of the favor David had with God. If we look a bit closer, we will discover that Saul did not simply hate the person David, as much as he hated the Lord’s presence in David’s life.

This can be seen in the overall relationship Saul developed with David over the years. He made him head of the Israeli armies, gave him his daughter to marry and treated him as a son. Yet, in one moment when the people sang, “Saul slew his thousands and David his ten thousands,” Saul’s whole countenance changed against David.

Iniquity entered his heart and jealousy dominated him resulting in hatred and violence. How could one feel such adverse emotions toward another person or how could one’s feelings about a person change so quickly? Jealousy is as cruel as the grave (Solomon 8:6).

David never did anything to hurt Saul. He always reverenced him as God’s anointed. Even when given the chance to kill Saul, he did not. All that Saul experienced in his relationship with David was good. He knew also that David’s heart toward him was pure because it had been demonstrated time and time again. How can you hate someone who is good to you?

Proverbs 6:34-35

34 For jealousy is the rage of a man: therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance.

35 He will not regard any ransom; neither will he rest content, though thou givest many gifts.

Again, the answer to this question may shock you. The truth is Saul hated the Lord’s presence in David’s life. He knew the Lord was working with David in all that he did. The same security he once enjoyed was now gone, having been given to another. Saul was losing his uniqueness among the people. He knew the works David did were the works of the Lord being accomplished through him. Saul’s anger and displeasure was really towards God for having chastised him for his disobedience. Saul hated the fact that the Lord rejected him. In essence, he hated God. When you hate another without a cause, it is usually due to (a) some natural or spiritual failure on your part, or (b) a fear of losing your uniqueness.

This is how Saul felt when the women sang the song comparing his accomplishments to those of David. David was now in the picture and was capable of doing things just as well and even better than Saul. Saul had lost what he felt made him acceptable or unique among the people. On top of that, he had to carry the burden of knowing that he had been rejected due to his own failure to obey God.

JEALOUSY HAS TO HAVE AN EARTHLY TARGET

David was a visible representation of what Saul hated. It was impossible for Saul to take vengeance on the Father; therefore, his anger and hatred fell upon the one whom God had favored. Saul hated David without a cause and consequently moved into open rebellion against the Lord. The Lord was the target of Saul’s resentment, but this resentment was ventilated through jealousy of His visible representative. Saul wasted so much time and energy fighting a battle he could not win.

The earth and the people on it belong to God and He can give whatever He wants to whomever He wants (Romans 9:17-33). Who is able to stop Him? What Saul should have done was humble himself by accepting the judgment of God and be thankful that God did not kill him on the spot. Saul should have agreed with God. Jealousy must have an earthly target to war against.

Although the motive for the war is hatred of God, the battleground is the relationship and the prize is the discrediting or slandering of the one being used by God. It may not always be a saint whom God chooses to exalt within your territorial sphere of influence. Nevertheless, their exaltation will reveal your true spiritual disposition.

JEALOUSY IS CRUEL AS THE GRAVE

IT PERVERTS EVERY EMOTION, DESIRE AND REASONING

If you are jealous, you will not refuse an opportunity to avenge self. You will always look for a way to get even, discredit, dishonor and hurt those of whom you are jealous. Jealousy will cause you to devise (to form, plan or arrange in the mind) evil imaginations (Proverbs 6:18). The attributes of jealousy are hatred, hostility, legalism, pride, unforgiveness and judgmentalism. To walk in jealousy puts you on the enemy’s turf and makes you vulnerable to these attributes.

You must see the evil of jealousy and just how devastating its effects can be. You must not forget it was jealousy that caused Lucifer’s heart to be filled with iniquity and hatred toward God. Many people have physically harmed and even killed others because of jealousy. I have counseled husbands who were so jealous of their wives; they made their lives a living nightmare. Many had no reason to be jealous, as their wives were faithful and doing all they knew to be godly women. Their husbands, however, were filled with suspicion and evil imaginations that were not real.

I am reminded of a young man who would watch movies in which women were unfaithful to their husbands, and then get so angry with his own wife because he thought she too was possibly being unfaithful to him. He would become enraged to the point of physically harming her. However, her unfaithfulness was only in his mind. His wife constantly tried to reassure him of her faithfulness and love for him, but that did not help. His thinking was irrational, unreasonable and outright evil.

No matter how caring and loving she was, he was still suspicious, jealous and hard to live with. I have also known women who have made those around them miserable because of their jealousy. There was a young lady who would sit in the service and watch her fiancé the entire time to see if he was looking at any of the other young ladies.

She could not focus on the Word or any part of the service because of her possessive nature towards her fiancé. She also cheated herself out of possible friendships with other women in the congregation because she was constantly wondering which one of them wanted her fiancé.

The situations stated above were very tormenting to those involved. These people were in a no-win situation. Imagine every day of your life being filled with suspicion, resentment, pride, unforgiveness and hatred. These mindsets caused both the perpetrator of such evil and the victim to suffer. They were kept bound to an endless cycle of despair and hopelessness. But praise God they were able to be set free through Jesus Christ!

JEALOUSY CAN PRODUCE SPIRITUAL HYSTERIA

The marriage of a Christian couple in corporate America ended in divorce; but how did they get there? The wife’s commitment to God and hard work enabled her to build quite a large business before she married. The people who worked for her knew she was honest and fair in her dealings with them and they loved her for that reason. After she married, she brought her husband into the business and pretty much allowed him to run it.

Unfortunately, he was not as committed to working the business as his wife, but wanted to reap all the benefits it afforded him. Furthermore, the employees respected him as their boss, but knew he was just an opportunist who only wanted what he could get out of the business. There were times when the business would endure pitfalls and profit losses.

Then the wife would consult the Lord and gather wisdom as to how to pull out and turn things around. The employees and all who knew her considered her to be a smart businesswoman. Soon the couple began to experience turbulence in their marriage. The husband became grossly unfaithful and the wife was very aware of his infidelity.

It was obvious he had no respect for the sanctity of the marriage, his wife’s pain, or the stumbling blocks he placed in the way of those he chose to become his victims. Remember, they were both born-again believers in Christ. In spite of the truth he knew, he had a mindset that said, “I’m just being a man.” The wife, on the other hand, was very spiritual and would never think of cheating on her husband.

Nevertheless, over a period of years, the husband became even bolder and the women he dealt with became more and more disrespectful to his wife. This he allowed and even sanctioned. At some point in the chaos, they found their way into my conference room for counseling. In the session, the husband did not deny any of the accusations the wife leveled against him. She continued to pour out her heart, citing how she had done all she knew to do. She had given him everything: the highest position in the company, authority and money.

Even though he conceded all this to be true, it was clear that he had deep resentment for her in his heart. I had several other sessions with them both after that, and faithfully, the roots of bitterness were exposed. The bottom line: the husband was raised in a family where he literally adored his father, who was the pastor of a church, while the mother was given charge over the children. She was also the one who executed most of the discipline in the house.

He had several sisters and brothers of which he was the eldest. He described his mother as mean and hateful in her dispensing of discipline and her authority to forbid them to do things or go places. The father was a very dominant figure and did not believe women were to do anything beyond serving the husband and raising the children. He was from the school of thought that barred women from any decision-making processes in the home and certainly, she was to keep silent in the church.

The young man quickly adopted this belief system and admired his father for suppressing his mother and sisters. He was most happy when his father denied his mother of something she wanted to do. But his joy was often short-lived, because she would take her frustrations out at the whipping post whenever he broke the rules. This made him more and more resentful of her. However, the resentment ran deeper than that of a child’s anger about a whipping. He hated her. She was a woman, a lesser vessel, but she had authority over him. He was the eldest of all the siblings and they all watched as she humbled and humiliated him.

He was seventeen years old, nearly a grown man; yet, she still had authority to veto anything she did not think he should do or be a part of. He told me of a time when he wanted to play in the high school marching band. He came home with his uniform all excited, really believing his parents would be proud of him. When his mother saw the uniform, however, she was livid. She informed him in no uncertain terms he was not going to be in any band. Surely his father would stand up for him and override her, he thought, but that did not happen. She made him take the uniform back to the school and turn it in.

Some of his siblings made fun of him and laughed about it. He was devastated. Ashamed and heart-broken, he obeyed, but never forgave her for that day. Fifteen years later, it was just as painful when he spoke of it, as if it had just happened. The tone in his voice and the spirit in which he spoke of her, both suggested a deep resentment.

The truth was he hated his father as well. Why didn’t his father recognize that he was old enough to be taken out from under that woman’s authority? Why did he force him to submit to her? Even though he wanted to be like his father, he hated him for not exalting him above the authority of his mother. This is a classic example of jealousy. The young man resented his mom, true enough, but he also resented the one who gave his mom power over him. He was jealous of his mother. She enjoyed an advantage he did not have; she had his father’s ear. Her word carried more weight with his dad than his and there was nothing he could do about it.

The same is true in your spiritual walk among your brothers, sisters, friends and foes. If you are carnally minded and perceive any of them to have an advantage or privilege you do not share, jealousy is imminent. But it doesn’t stop there; you will also resent the God who gave them that advantage. What does all this have to do with the young man’s infidelity?

Well beloved, just connect the dots. When the young man came of age, left home and went out into the world on his own, the roots of bitterness went with him. Any woman having authority over a man became as his mom. His wife was smart and powerful. Besides that, she had accomplished some things he had never accomplished. People loved her and looked up to her in a way they did not regard him. In spite of the fact his lack of integrity was the reason people didn’t hold him in as high esteem as they did his wife, she was the target of his resentment and the image that had to be destroyed. In business, she was smart and powerful and there was no way he could compete with her in that arena.

But he had an ace in the hole. She loved him and he could use that love to break her. She was too high and mighty. He wanted to bring her low. All the love he felt for her was buried now beneath the iniquity in his heart. She enjoyed respect from the people in the company and all their friends. But he was going to show her what it felt like not to be loved and respected; and he would use other women to do it. As a result, he involved himself in one affair after another, not really caring whether she knew or not. This was more than simple lust; it was also retaliation. He was getting back at his mom and every other woman who dared to go beyond serving her husband and taking care of the house. He wanted to break his wife. He wanted her to feel low and unimportant. He wanted her to feel what he felt; so his affairs progressed to encounters with riotous women who had no qualms about disrespecting his wife.

He enjoyed their intrusion into her world. He liked the fact that she was saddened by his indiscretions. He hated her. He needed to bring her low so that he could feel taller. In all his endeavors, however, he forgot one thing. His wife knew God in a real way. God was her Comforter, and so she was able to overcome every offense. She survived the ordeal without becoming bitter and vindictive. She understood his need to control her; he had nothing that was truly his. It all belonged to her.

Once again, here was another woman with more power than he had. Though she loved and pitied him, he could never overcome his lack of self-worth. Eventually they divorced and went their separate ways.God never intended for our relationships with each other to be grievous or tormenting. Love is liberating. It does not seek to place one in bondage. We must also bear in mind that although the people around a jealous person suffer, the one who is jealous suffers as well. They are in bondage and are unable to love as God designed us to.

Our heart toward them must be tender, understanding and patient. We must see them as souls whom the Father loves, even when their negative deeds are directed at us. When a jealous person is at their worst, we must show them the love of God and trust that love to do an effectual work in their life.

YOU CAN OVERCOME JEALOUSY

You must first admit that you are simply jealous. Ninety-nine percent of deliverance is identification. As long as the enemy can keep you in a state of denial, deliverance will not take place. Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much (James 5:16). Despise the shame, and humble your heart before God and man. Submit yourself to the cleansing power of the Word. Speak the truth in love, so you can grow up in all things, even into Christ.

The Body of Christ is fitly joined together and each joint is compacted with that gift, knowledge or talent it is to supply. If each member is able to supply the thing God gave them, the body would be able to edify itself and increase in love (Ephesians 4:15-16). Rejoice at the well-being and doings of others. It is the Father who promotes or abases. Communicate with God. He will lead you into your place and work with you there. You are important to God and that is all that matters.

The Father is a Comforter, but we must make ourselves vulnerable to the Holy Spirit and confess our jealousies to God. Stop trying so hard to maintain the image of yourself that you have established or want to establish in the minds of others. This will not work in the Kingdom of God. You cannot serve God while trying to make a reputation for yourself.

BECOME A DOER OF THE WORD

Identification and confession are great; however, they will profit you nothing if you do not put the Word of God in action. It does no good to know what to do, but never do it. The knowledge of God must be applied in your everyday walk. For example, scripture instructs us to think on those things that are lovely, pure, just, true, honest and of good report (Philippians 4:8). These must not be mere words, but you must do it. Your thoughts must remain inside these boundaries. To think otherwise opposes God and will always lead you into sin. The Father placed boundaries on your thinking for your own protection. He knew just how far into sin an evil imagination would carry you.

In order to change negative feelings about a person, your thoughts about that person must first change. When your thoughts change, your feelings and actions will change as well. It is impossible to love someone you think evil of. I have counseled saints who struggled with loving people and found that, in most cases, they were trying to love people with their actions, but something different was in their heart.

Their imagination was filled with evil thoughts concerning those they were trying to love. The heart was not in agreement with what the flesh was outwardly doing. This kept them frustrated and defeated in their Christian walk.

BRING EVERY THOUGHT INTO THE OBEDIENCE OF CHRIST

Wrong thinking is the root of all sin. So a man thinketh, so is he. You are what you think. Begin to monitor your thoughts and cast down every one that exalts itself above the knowledge of God. Consider:

2 Corinthians 10:4-5

4 (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)

5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ

This is powerful! The indwelling Holy Spirit gives us the ability to bring every thought into the obedience of Christ. We are in control of what we think. When an evil suggestion is presented, it is within our power to refuse to entertain it. Just as we choose to think evil, we can also choose to think righteously. We must resist the temptation to think evil thoughts.

Remember, happy is the man who is able to resist temptation. Staying before the Lord in prayer and reading the Word daily will help you to retrieve your mind. It must be constantly exposed to the truth. This is so important. You will never bring God glory with an evil imagination. Obedience to the Word of God is your way out of agitating passions and the miseries of sin. It is also your way into fellowship with God and benefiting fully from your salvation.

Put your confidence in God, knowing that He loves you and is able to change you. Determine in your heart to renounce (give up) all feelings of jealousy and resentment. Learn to be content with the gifts, talents and abilities that the Father has given you. Accept who you are in God and trust His will for your life. God wants us to love one another, but this will never happen if we do not deal with the sin and iniquities that keep us separated. Agree with God.