I'S Married Now

Chapter 4

The woman was to provide Adam with love he could hold and caress. Love and companionship would destroy his loneliness. Remember it was God, the Father, who said it was not good for man to be alone and to fulfill that need He formed the woman. Thus, it is the role of the woman in every marriage to make sure the man knows he is not alone. This is not to say that the husband does not have that same responsibility regarding his wife, but here we are discussing the specific role God gave the woman in marriage.

Well, we could go into all the blissful things surrounding a beautiful marriage between two who dwell in the Kingdom of God; however, there are other more pressing issues to discuss.

It seems there are many marriages in the Body of Christ where wives are not given over to making love to their husbands. I have counseled many husbands in the last few years who are suffering tremendously from this lack of consideration on the part of their spouses.

Because this is a condensed women’s seminar, time will not permit me to go into all the details of the responsibility of the wife in a marriage; however, I think it needful to take time to address this issue.

There is a condition the world calls Asexual. It describes a person who is without sexual feelings or desires. This is so unfair to the husband of the woman, who for whatever the reasons, is just not inclined to make love to her spouse. Of course, we are not speaking of medical hindrances here. Instead, I am referring to a mental condition. Asexual women have no right to get married. Note the scripture below.

1 Corinthians 7:4-5

4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husbandand likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

We know marriage was a perfect design for procreation, but I do not believe for one moment that the Lord did not intend for the man and the woman to enjoy each other's body. A scripture comes to mind which I think will substantiate this fact.

I Corinthians 7: 1-10

1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.

2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

6 But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.

7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.

8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I.

9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband

Notice Paul firmly states in order to avoid fornication, let the saints marry. He further stresses the power of the woman's body lies with the man. Likewise, the power of the man's body lies with the woman. What does this really mean? Well, the apostle seems to feel the ability to satisfy the natural cravings of the fleshy body rest in the hands of the opposite sex. This is why masturbation is not natural. The WOMAN was created for the MAN.

The Word did not simply say she was created to have children. It implies she was created for the satisfaction of the man. Having been taken out of the man, her natural desires would be the same as the man for she is of his nature. Therefore, the man ought to be aware that affectionate touches and gentle caresses, which stimulate his flesh, also have the same effect on the woman. Just as a kind, soft-spoken word soothes his soul, it has the same effect on the woman. Likewise, the woman should be mindful of the same thing.

The holy matrimonial state of marriage insists the two are no longer twain, but one flesh. That's right, "one flesh.” That which was taken out of man returns to unite with him. This union is supposed to fill every void in each of the mates. In other words, the coming together should influence each other, both physically and emotionally.

Once again, Adam said of Eve, "You are the bone of my bone and the flesh of my flesh.” Because marriage is an institution of the flesh, emotions are produced by the disposition of the flesh. Paul said to the church at Galatia, "Love your wives as you love yourselves.” Why? This is because she is of the man. She is a part of the man. She is of his flesh.

Therefore, the emotions produced in her through love, kindness and sexual coming together, should rebound back to him; making the two one. If the woman is not moved to a place of loving emotions for her husband, then he will suffer a tremendous void in his life. He will feel denied and unfulfilled. The emotions, which were taken out of him, along with the flesh and bone, were not returned to influence him emotionally. Even if the act of sex is able to relieve him, if the love and affection are not there, the void still exists. Frustration may become overwhelming. The same is true if the wife is denied.

The institution of marriage was meant to be a reuniting of that which was taken out of Adam. It was the return of the weaker or emotional side of man. Notice I said the "institution of marriage", not just the "sexual act" itself. The whole marriage should be a returning of the separated rib, with its emotions and desires given over to its counterpart.

Ecclesiastes 9:9

9 Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun.

Oh, how beautiful this is in the Lord! He allows man to enjoy his creation - the woman. This was one of the original intentions of the Father. Although Paul says it is good for man or woman to abide as he, having no need for the companionship of a spouse (because of the grace in the New Covenant), he recognizes the Lord never forbids man to marry and fulfill this pleasure in his life. Therefore, it is clear that marriage is an institution for the satisfaction of the flesh.

Single saints can live so close to God that they will not desire a sexual relationship. You can live so close to Him that He will saturate your being with His presence, and you will not feel any void or loneliness. The love of God can fill every void and cause you to overcome the feelings of your flesh, and be content with pleasing Him. If it is your desire to remain as such, then it is not for you to marry.

A walk in the Spirit places you so close to God until you feel as if you could just reach out and touch Him. You can feel Him filling up every part of you. If you please the Lord, it will be His desire to please you.

I say this to the single women: don't even consider marriage until you get to a place where you realize you do not have to be married; a place where you are whole and complete with or without a husband.

To be whole means you have allowed Christ to fill every void spiritually and naturally, and have therefore comprehended His love for you. If you have a problem with fornication before you get married, you will have a problem with it during marriage. You must deal with your weaknesses and deficiencies before you marry.

When God blesses you with a husband, your mindset should change to accommodate your husband. Before this, your mindset should be chaste and one of abstinence. Marriage is not the cure or remedy for lust.

Do not allow frustration to make you asexual. You can overcome all of the frustrations of your sex life. When you give up, you are in error. You have allowed yourself to take on a mindset of helplessness. This shows no faith in your God. He will not abandon you in your marriage.

You are not without a solution to the problem. You must comprehend Christ's love for you. Take time to really discern the situation. Take it to the Lord for a Spirit of Wisdom and Might. You can become patient and deal with the matter, without fainting or giving up. You are the victor. You are a son of God. You can win over the frustrations in this area of your life. Love your spouse enough to try. Give your marriage a chance. Do yourself a favor by trusting the Word of God and doing everything that you are supposed to do to fulfill righteousness in the relationship, so that God can move on your behalf. Remember, the Lord vindicates righteousness.

I love you,

Mary Banks

Apostle of our Lord